I have been working on the San Francisco Bay ferries for over 20 years. One of the perks of working the ferries is the ever-changing beauty of the view. Another is the stories. Sailors have a great stockpile of stories. Short or long, chances are you will be told a good story at some juncture of the day. There is a wide range of subjects: accidents, vessel breakdown, feuding crew-mates (we all have those stories), or humorous incidents. And sometimes, swearing.
Seagulls flying behind the ferry, San Francisco waterfront in the background.
I first discovered swearing at age 11, in the back of my friend’s family station wagon. Before that, the most ribald language I heard was Mom saying ‘Mercy Maude!’ in that tone of voice that said, “I’m at the end of my rope, and you better stop exasperating me this instant!”
My fancy was not sparked by ‘Mercy Maude.’ However,in the back of that station wagon, the intoxicating nature of prohibited word use was revealed. As we fooled around, my friend said, “Holy Moses.” The words I knew, but together they sounded intentionally naughty. We both glanced forward. No response from her mom. The car rolled on down the road. We proceeded to toss this fun new phrase around. Finally, her mother called back to us, “Enough, girls. I don’t want to hear that anymore.”
Why were two words, words heard in church, not to be uttered together? It was a mystery. Now that it was proscribed, ‘Holy Moses’ became more fun. I was thrilled. In addition, when I tried the phrase out in the hearing of my mother, I got censured immediately. Even better, she couldn’t explain why I shouldn’t say it.
I loved Holy Moses.
“Wow,” I thought, as I repeated the phrase silently to myself, “There must be others, equally fun.”
As I grew older and moved away, I found out I was right. Each new swear word I heard got tucked away for future use. In public, I held the juicy words back. Among my friends, we spiced up our conversations with abandon.
At work one day on the ferry, our crew was finishing up lunch, the Lead Deckhand, who had worked the ferries for forty years, chuckled. We looked at him, waiting.
“Have you heard of that time Carolyn came down to our boat to tell us we had to watch our language?”
Not swear? We all joined in his laughter.
“Yeah,” he continued. “We’re on break. We see Carolyn hustling down here from her office. She come aboard, says hello, and proceeds to tell us that she has gotten complaints, a number of complaints mind you, about our language. Apparently, someone wrote to the company, objecting to the “language” they overheard during a voyage.”
He smiled. “None of us say anything. She stands there, looking around at us. When no one says anything, she asks, “What should we do about it?”
One of the guys speaks up. “That’s easy! There’s just one answer.”
She looks at him optimistically. “And what is that?”
With a straight face, he declares, “Stop hiring sailors!”
“We are all different and there is no such thing as normal.”
There are a lot of good authors on Amazon who don’t appear on the Best Seller list. It’s fun to poke around and use the ‘Look Inside’ option and see what appeals. This is how I discovered J.M. Forster. She is an award winning British author, and has written two well-received books for middle grade readers. The first, a mystery adventure, Shadow Jumperwas Gold Winner of the Wishing Shelf Book Awards. Her second book, Bad Hair Days recounts the story of Mallow, who is desperate to hide an embarrassing secret. Bad Hair Days was a finalist in 2017 for the Wishing Shelf Book Awards.
I contacted Ms. Forster, and she generously took some time to answer a few questions.
As a child, Julia spent a lot of time reading, making her way through piles of library books every week. When her sons were young, she shared her love for books with them. As a result, in 2009 she decided to try her hand at writing a “positive and upbeat” story, with rewarding results.
In this email interview, Ms. Forster shares some of her favorite books, why she likes being a writer, and the tools she uses for her work. With two books published, she is challenging herself to learn Spanish.
LC: What sorts of things did you write when you were young:
JMF: To be honest, I didn’t write a huge amount when I was young, I was more into reading. However, I did attempt to write one book when I was about eight or nine years old. It was written in the style of Enid Blyton’s adventure stories. Enid Blyton, who died in 1968, was a famous children’s writer in England and her books are still really popular today.
Unusually for me, as I’m not a hoarder, I kept the notes of my unfinished story, which I called The Mystery of the Golden Locket. It’s written partly in blue biro, partly in red crayon and tied together with pink wool.
LC: How was reading/writing encouraged and supported in your family:
JMF: My family weren’t great readers; there weren’t many books in the house, compared to the number I have in my home today. But my parents were supportive of my passion for reading and I was a member of the local library. They’d ferry me along there practically every week, so that I could stock up on reading material. At that time you could only take out three or four books at a time with your membership card, so I’d take the whole family’s cards along and would come back with armfuls of books.
LC: What are some of the books you enjoyed as a young reader, and which ones still hold up:
JMF: As I’ve already said, I was a great fan of Enid Blyton when I was younger, and particularly loved The Famous Five, Malory Towers, and The Secret Seven series. One of my all-time favourite books is A Traveller in Time by Alison Uttley (I’ve still got my original copy). It’s an historical time-slip story set in the time of Mary, Queen of Scots. And of course, I loved The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis and A Silver Sword by Ian Serraillier.
When I got a bit older I started reading Agatha Christie novels; Christie was a genius at plotting great murder mysteries.
LC: What else interested you then, along with reading and writing?
JMF: What other interests are there? ; ) I was always reading!
Other than that, I’d spend a lot of time with my family. My mother used to take me and my sister on day trips to London and other nearby places to see the sights. We also spent a lot of time doing craft activities. At Easter we’d set up a little factory making eggs out of papier mâché, then we’d make sweets to put inside them and give them to family.
When I was in my teens I got into drama a bit, but it was always reading that kept my attention the most back then.
LC: What books do you enjoy with your family now?
JMF: My two sons are older now, (my older son has turned 18) so they have their own interests. My younger son likes non-fiction and science, so reads The New Scientist magazine. My older son is re-visiting books he read when he was younger, like the Skullduggery Pleasant series [ed.: by Derek Landy]. He’s also interested in visual special effects and animation so reads magazines about that.
LC: What pursuits do you follow when you are not writing:
JMF: My main interest, apart from writing, is learning Spanish. It’s something I’ve been doing on and off for years, having spent a number of months in Spain when I was in my twenties, teaching English as a foreign language. I now have Spanish classes, do language exchanges, watch films and TV series in Spanish etc. I love it and it keeps the brain active!
I enjoy walking my dog, Frodo, and when I can, I do Pilates (essential if you have a job where you’re sitting down most of the time.)
LC: What books are you reading now, or have you read recently:
JMF: I read a lot of fiction written for young people as that is what I love. At the moment I’m reading Stone Cold by Robert Swindells with the added challenge that I’m reading it in Spanish, obviously with the aid of a dictionary!
LC: Do you have a favorite library or librarian, or bookstore:
JMF: I have to give a shout out for The Suffolk Anthology in Cheltenham, an independent bookstore, run by a lovely lady called Helene. In the basement of her shop I run my writers’ critique group. A group of six or seven of us meet every 2/3 weeks to critique each other’s work and talk ‘writing’. Helene has always been incredibly supportive of us writers. Sadly, the bookshop is closed at the moment, given the current situation, but I hope that we’ll soon be able to meet there again.
LC: What do you like about being a writer:
JMF: I like being able to set my own timetable (although that does bring its challenges). As I publish my own books, I have a lot of control over how I do things and when. It’s that independence that I enjoy. Also, seeing how my story develops and changes as I write it and how it gradually gets better and better (hopefully!) over time, until at last I feel it’s ready to be launched into the wider world. Although I start off with a plot outline I often find that new ideas come to me whilst I’m writing, and they can change the direction the novel is going in. It surprises me when I’ve finished a story and return to the first draft and compare it to the final one; they are always so different.
LC: What got you going on writing Shadow Jumper and Bad Hair Days:
JMF: Before I started writing Shadow Jumper, which I think was in about 2009, I read a lot of books with my children. I enjoyed reading them so much, I decided to have a go at writing one for myself. The story for Shadow Jumper came from two different ideas; one was the game I played with my two boys when I was taking them to school and kindergarten each morning. We would jump between the shadows on the pavement as a game and as a means of keeping them entertained until we got to school. The other idea came from the skin condition my dad suffers from; he’s sensitive to sunlight. It means that he spends a lot of time inside, his skin reacts badly to the light and he comes out in an itchy, painful rash. The doctors have never got to the bottom of what causes this problem. I started to think about what it would be like to be a teenager with such a problem, how they would cope with it. I then connected the two ideas together and came up with Shadow Jumper.
Bad Hair Days comes from a similar idea: being different. Although the story is about a girl who suffers from alopecia, or hair loss, it’s really about the fact that we are all different and there is no such thing as normal. It’s also about the importance of friendship and family.
I wanted the stories to be positive and upbeat. I like to think I achieved that as both books are very popular.
LC: What “writing implements” do you use? (paper/pencil/pen, typewriter, desktop, laptop, tablet, etc.):
JMF: I normally write using my laptop in my writing cabin. It’s a wonderfully tranquil space with a lovely view of the garden and a huge magnolia tree. However, when I start a novel, I scribble plot and character outlines using pen and any bit of paper I can find – I’m not terribly organized. Sometimes I brainstorm ideas onto a large piece of flipchart paper with a marker pen. Invariably, however much planning I do, things change as I go along, meaning those original hand-written notes become obsolete.
LC: Are there any particular writing programs that you like and use:
JMF: I use Word to write. It’s easy and I’m a bit of a technophobe, so I stick to the familiar. To help improve my writing I use ProWriting Aid program which helps me identify bits of text/vocabulary which are repetitive, don’t make sense or are not grammatically sound.
LC: Do you have anything to say for writers who get no encouragement, or are actively discouraged:
JMF: Don’t listen to those people who try and discourage you, which is easier said than done, I know. At the end of the day, no one can stop you putting pen to paper and writing your story. As long as you enjoy what you do, that is the important thing.
Without a doubt, one of the hardest things about being a writer is the rejection you are going to have to cope with, not just from well-meaning friends or family who think you shouldn’t be wasting your time, but from the publishing industry itself. Rejection comes with the territory of being a writer and it means that you have to develop a thick skin.
One practical suggestion for a budding writer is to find a supportive critique or writing group, either in your local area, or on line. Mixing with fellow writers who understand what you are doing is essential, in my opinion, and they can be a fount of knowledge, inspiration and encouragement.
Thank you, J.M Forster! I look forward to finishing up Bad Hair Days. Meanwhile, there is always room for another fun and exciting read-aloud book, and we await your next story!
I got lucky. I took a job at a Marin County architectural firm without realizing it would change my life. Now I needed to commute across the Bay from San Francisco. At first I drove a borrowed Fiero. A few months in, my borrowed car developed an intractable electrical short: the engine quit at random moments, leaving me stuck at the side of the road. The car then needed to sit for a few hours before it would restart. No one could figure it out. As I drove home to San Francisco one evening, the engine cut out just after I crossed the Golden Gate Bridge. By pure luck, I was far enough off the bridge to roll out of traffic to the side of the road. That was it! I’d had enough. My next commute track, still by land: the cross-town journey by bus to the transfer point for the Marin County bus to Larkspur.
Some months into this bus routine, I was in my local bike store, looking to buy a bike, mostly for getting around town and riding in nearby Golden Gate Park. A friend of the clerk burst through the door, completely elated. He had taken the ferry to Larkspur, in Marin County, and spent the afternoon exploring the bike trails of the Marin headlands.
My ears perked up. Ferry? Marin County? I promptly looked into it. After a trial run to Larkspur, and finding out how to ride from the ferry terminal to Larkspur, commuting to work by bike and ferry began. It soon became the best part of my day.
Imagine a sparkling morning, out on deck, air fresh from the Pacific, the Bay beautiful in every direction, and the boat going in the reverse commute direction, almost empty. Sometimes I just enjoyed being on the boat crossing the Bay, and seeing its many moods. Other times, I pretended I was underway to more distant lands. A favorite “voyage” was to imagine we were steaming between Greek islands.
But never doubt: sunrise, fog, storm or flashy sunset, the Bay is beguiling, all by itself. I came to really love the ferry, the view, the quiet moments on the water.
Then I got laid off. Ferry rides ceased. I focused on getting a new job. It just so happened that an architect I knew in my neighborhood was starting up an office shortly. Soon I started my new job, working with someone I liked, a two-minute commute to the next block. I was lucky again. But I couldn’t help missing my early morning “Gladiator” bike ride down Market Street to the Ferry Building, blasting through the empty downtown, to my escape on the Bay.
Yet and still, life works out in ways we are powerless to foresee. Some months into this great new job, my boss’s husband made a lousy remark to me. No one else was around. I made the usual mistake: I was embarrassed; I said nothing. Like many before me, I hoped it wouldn’t happen again. After he made the second comment, I recognized that it wasn’t going to stop. I spoke up. Over the next few weeks, my job proceeded to disintegrate in a small-time, pre-#metoo debacle.
This was toward the end of the dot-com bust, and it is at the end of downturns that architectural offices begin to run out of work. I was back scouring the want ads, writing cover letters and sending out resumes. And, I was getting no response. After two months of this, I was a teensy bit sorry for myself.
Well, I thought, Give it a break. How about a ferry ride? You haven’t been for a ferry ride in over a year. A cruise on the water will cheer you up.
I checked my old ferry schedule, hopped on my bike, and made the familiar ride down Market Street to the Ferry Building, a bit more prudent in the mid-day traffic. Waiting to board the ferry, I inhaled that exhilarating air that exists only near large bodies of water. Thrilled to be on board, sailing majestically through the Bay, I walked around the forward cabin and gazed out. On a cool grey day, the Bay was as captivating as ever.
Onboard that day, I had a double-happy feeling as I nodded hello to the same crew I knew from my commute days: two men and a woman. As the woman walked past, I realized something: She’s older than me! (I was in my mid 40s at the time). If she can work on the ferries, I can work on the ferries!
In that instant, my future set sail. As we returned to the city, I asked the lady deckhand a few questions about work on the ferries. It was all very encouraging. At the Ferry Building, I chatted with a ticket agent I knew from my commute days (back when there still were helpful ticket agents, not the cranky ticket machines in use now). She gave me directions to the Union Hall, which wasn’t far, and encouraged me to go ahead. I went straight to the Hall. On my way there, I reminded myself that I was only “looking into the ferries.” The fact is, my heart had committed to this overhaul of my life as soon as the scheme hove into view.
At the Hall, I got the do’s and don’ts of joining the union and signed up for the required introductory class. Six months later (spent sending out a weekly pile of resumes that secured no replies), I found myself up early of an April morning and at the Union Hall, waiting for class to begin.
The consequences of this abrupt course change continues to ripple through my life. Number one, as mentioned, the first dot com bust was underway, and interior design/AutoCAD drafting jobs were sparse. In the union, jobs may be sparse at first, but this improves as you gain seniority. Initially, the jobs available are to replace a deckhand out sick or on vacation. As you progress up the seniority list, work becomes more stable year by year. In the architectural and design world there is no stability, no secure work.
Number two, deckhanding is a good union job. Unions aren’t perfect, but the other options are worse. Deckhanding includes decent pay (full-time work equaling the same pay I received sitting at a desk); in the Inlandboatmen’s Union, health care is provided if you work at least 80 hours a month (previously? No health care); a pension (previously? No pension); you can also start a 401K.
Number three, instead of sitting at a desk all day, you get some exercise and meet a broad range of interesting, international co-workers. And there’s a lot to learn.
Number four, work can be flexible. You can take a planned break, if you need or want it, and come back with your same seniority.
And most important, Number five: time to write. Looking back now, I realize my work on the ferries provided the background for Murkey’s, A Rabbit Noir. From earliest days on the water, my working life contributed colorful ideas and detail to this story on the waterfront.
One earlier stroke of luck must be mentioned. Bunzini the rabbit, star of Murkey’s, entered my life shortly after I moved to San Francisco. Around Halloween of the same year, his pal Webster, the intellectual spider, joined us. This rabbit and his pals are the lively focus of their own universe. By the time my life as a deckhand began, I had already written several short stories starring Bunz and Webbs.
Bunz doesn’t think small. Late in 2004 Bunz said, “Bubb, I’m your long-eared Edward G. Robinson, see? Short stories are alright, but listen. Where’s my best-seller? Where’s my movie? Where’s my-y website?”
Where was his website, indeed. Personal websites were more common by then, and Bunz knew several artists and musicians with their own websites. Bunzini was getting impatient. In a great moment of forethought, my friend and internet guru had already registered bunzini.com, preserving the name for the future website. Had I ever looked at the website where he had registered it? No.
It turned out that the registration company had a ‘drag and drop’ website builder. Voila! In few months, the basic website was up. (Haha—putting your first website together is more frustrating than that sentence implies. Our first try is not perfect and there are plans afoot to redesign the site.)
Now that there was a website, I needed Content. Bunz said, “Star me in new story, Bubb. Make it noir this time.”
I figured I would be able to squeeze in time to write a chapter a month for the new website. My decision process: if Charles Dickens could publish a chapter a month, why not me? Haha—I found out why not me, but in I jumped, starting with Chapter One of Murkey’s, A Rabbit Noir.
The drawing at the left is my original inspiration: a little sketch of a donut floating above a cup of coffee. I imagined it was a doodle on a paper napkin from a diner named Murkey’s. Where should Murkey’s be located? On Pier 13 (which exists only in the story). Next, Bunz came walking along the San Francisco Bay waterfront on the foggiest night of the year, in his fedora and trench coat. Why was he out there? Where was his pal Webbs? Who were the mysterious moose asking suspicious questions about Murkey’s Diner? It was fun!
The story developed and plot lines interlaced. Three chapters in, it became quite clear (news flash) that I was not Charles Dickens. Without a blueprint for the plot, writing the story straight through was a can of worms.
So it began. I took it off line and wrote when I could. Twelve (!) years flew by. My adventures on the ferries got woven in to the story: morning commute runs across the Bay, through fog so thick it obscures the Bay Bridge even as you sail beneath it. Currents so strong, boat engines struggle against their dominance. Daily tides receding, to reveal the dark forest of ancient pilings crowding the undersides of the old piers along the city front; people rowing their tricky-to-see wooden boats, traversing the same waterways as speeding ferries and huge container ships, neither of which will stop on a dime. Without a sharp lookout, how easily that insignificant blip on the radar can be steamed right over—in the night, in the fog!
A captain I work with grew up sailing the Bay. When I was looking for a hideout for the bad Guys, I asked him if he had an idea. He suggested “Sh*t’s Creek.” I laughed. “It’s called that because it used to be totally polluted,” he said. Perfect! Otherwise known as Channel Street or Mission Creek Channel, I adapted the nickname to Sipp’s Creek and dreamed up a prohibition story to go with it.
Another ferry Captain had lived a thousand stories while sailing all over the world. He told one about escaping through the tunnels under the city, to avoid the cops after he and a friend had pulled a certain stunt. Tunnels under the city? Perfect. I asked what stunt, but he only laughed and wouldn’t tell. I made up my own stunt in the tunnels for Webbs and his friend, Marilyn the Librarian to try.
This same captain also lent me two very useful books. Vanished Waters, by Nancy Olmstead, a local author he knew. This book describes Mission Bay as it once was, and the slow infill of it over the years, so that now it is only a place name. The other book, Recollections of a Tule Sailor, was written by Captain John Leale. While still a boy, Captain Leale sailed into San Francisco and landed at Mission Bay, when it was still a bay. He grew up to sail ferries across the Bay and up the rivers that empty into the Bay, to places no longer accessible by anything larger than a small canoe.
The seagulls who make their living at Pier 41 gave me the idea for another character, Nosey Parker. Like all seagulls, Nosey pays aggressive attention to everything around him, and he is invariably hungry. He earns his bread and butter by flying around the Bay, picking up information to trade for snacks. He always carries his fork!
At work I met someone who had run her own fishing boat. Her story became woven in with Captain G.G.’s story—a sea dog down on her luck. The Coast Guard boat, the fire truck, so many story ideas began as events and people and birds I’ve seen along the waterfront or sailing around the Bay.
Early on in my mariner career, I figured, if it didn’t work out, I could always go back to another desk job. Not a chance! I never looked back!
Do you read-aloud to children and need some better books?
When you are an author, you are never alone!
One tool everybody appreciates is a well-crafted children’s story, notably when reading aloud to children. Joy Wodhams’ adventure tales, The Mystery of Craven Manor and The Boy Who Could Fly, fit the bill. Author of books for youngsters as well as adults, Ms. Wodhams grew up in Liverpool, a sizeable port city built upon the River Mersey, on the west coast of Britain.
She began writing as a young girl, producing her first magazine at the age of seven. As an adult, she earned her living as a magazine editor, and sold short stories and feature articles to national magazines. In addition to her writing, she is an accomplished painter and art teacher.
Her lineage has noteworthy roots. As it says on her Amazon page, she comes from “five generations of theatre and circus gymnasts, trapeze artists, singers, musicians and songwriters.” Who wouldn’t want to be able to say that!
In an exchange of emails, Ms. Wodhams provided some insight into her writing life.
LC:Did you get encouragement for your writing when you were young:
JW: Not really. I remember lying on the floor, aged about 7, with pencil and an exercise book, and my mother complaining ‘You’ve always got your nose in a book or you’re scribbling. I’ve been calling you for ages!’
LC: What else interested you then, along with writing?
JW:Drawing. Particularly young ladies wearing the latest fashions. Painting came a little later, when I was 9 or 10, and I’ve always loved pencils, pens, paints, paper, inks and anything else connected with painting or writing. Even now I can’t go past a stationery store without diving in. The drawers of my desk bulge with multi-coloured folders and notebooks, waiting to be filled. As for books—they have been my main influence and my main obsession.
LC: Did these interests influence your writing subjects:
JW:Not particularly the drawing and painting—I’ve never created an artist as my main character, for example—but the books I read in childhood are still vivid in my memory and I think had a very profound effect on me. Now I write for children and adults, but my children’s books are the most successful. I’m told I’m very good at getting the ‘voice’ of a young child or young adult.
LC: How have these interests evolved, what interests you now, (or put another way: What pursuits do you follow when you are not writing):
JW:Over the years I’ve seesawed between writing and painting, both being major passions. I painted over 600 pictures in the l990s and sold most of them at my annual exhibitions. At the same time I was writing short stories for weekly and monthly magazines, but my market shrank when ‘800 word bites’ became popular (my stories usually ranged from 3000 to 5000 words).
Nowadays I usually have a part-finished painting on the easel, but I’m really focused on writing books. Once I get going, I write fairly quickly and I now have twelve novels, plus a manual on Creative Writing, in publication.
LC: Could you give some background of ‘800 work bites’:
JW: I think it started when everyone got involved with the internet, and life seemed to speed up. Before then lots of the weekly and monthly magazines were publishing long short stories, often up to 5000 words, and I sold quite a few, but then they found that readers didn’t want to spend up to an hour or more reading a long story, so the 800 bite story took its place. I wasn’t interested in writing those, and in any case it coincided with a new job as a magazine editor myself, so I stopped writing stories altogether.
LC: Have any of these stories been republished?
JW: I do have two short story collections. One is The Floater and the other is The Girl At Table Nine. Some are a bit dated now, I expect…short stories are supposed to be back in favour, mainly in specialist magazines.
LC: Was reading and writing encouraged and supported in your family:
JW: I don’t think anyone else took an interest really, until I married my second husband who was also an avid reader. We spent long hours with our noses buried deep in our books—which may sound anti-social but was actually quite lovely! He was very supportive when I started writing and even took over the cooking to give me more creative time. My two children, who live in the UK, also enjoy reading and often help to publicise my novels. Sadly, my stepchildren don’t read books at all!
LC: How do you suppose your unusually dynamic, creative family influenced you as a child, and now:
JW:I had two older brothers who were reasonably good at drawing, but I didn’t know about the earlier generations until I was around 11 years old! It was then that I first met my maternal grandmother—my father had caused a rift in the family when he eloped with my mother, and the rift wasn’t healed until after he (and the grandfather I never met) died.
My grandmother came to live with us, and brought with her the little brown case that later formed the basis for my novel The Boy Who Could Fly. The case, full of old faded photographs, in memoriam cards, and the poster which later triggered me to write that book, fascinated me. I used to visit it whenever my grandmother was away from the house, and those snapshots of the past still fascinate me.
As well as the family members who performed on stage and in the circus, I found a singer/composer (my great-great-great-grandfather) whose songs are still performed by well-known folk groups, several violinists (my two daughters both play violins and other instruments) and several artists. Genes! Aren’t they wonderful! I don’t think any of us can take sole credit for any creative successes we have!
LC: What are the songs still played that were written by your great-great-great-grandfather:
JW: Johnny, I hardly knew ye and Ten thousand miles from home were two of them that have been recorded in recent times. His name was Joseph Bryan Geoghegan and he was born in 1815.
LC: What are some of the books you enjoyed as a young reader, and which ones still hold up:
JW: Henrietta’s House (written by Elizabeth Goudge) was my favourite of all time. I read it when I was seven and obsessed with everything connected with painting and writing. When I read about Henrietta, who was given a whole house, a wardrobe full of beautiful dresses and best of all, a desk whose drawers overflowed with paper, crayons, paints, inks, pens and pencils, that was me—incommunicado for the next two or three years! It’s out of print now, but still available through some of the secondhand book dealers. If you can find it, give it to any 7 to 10 year old you know (there’s a great adventure in it for boys, too).
I don’t remember the authors of others so well, but those I bought for my own children, and would 100% recommend, include Tom’s Midnight Garden [ed.: by Philippa Pearce], The Mouse and his Child [ed.: by Russell Hoban and Tamsin Oglesby], The Wolves of Willoughby Chase [ed.: by Joan Aiken] and Goodnight Mr. Tom [ed.: by Michelle Magorian].
LC: Those all look lovely! What books are you reading now, or have you read recently:
JW: I’ve just finished Big Sky, Kate Atkinson’s latest Jackson Brodie novel. I love Neil Gaiman and have just started The Graveyard Book. I often reread favourite books such as Eleanor Oliphant Is Completely Fine, anything by Anne Tyler or Margaret Atwood—and am planning to reread Melvin Burgess’s teenage book Doing It—very rude but hilarious! I thought I might also reread Anyone Can Do Anything by Betty MacDonald, a biographical very funny novel set in the USA during the economic Depression of the late Twenties. Thought it might come in useful!
LC: Did you go to the library when you were growing up, do you still:
JW: From a very young age I used to visit the library twice a week, staggering home with as many books as they would allow me. Sadly, many of the public libraries in the UK have closed, or are being run part time by volunteers.
LC: There are similar problems in the US. What do you like about being a writer:
JW: Everything! My husband died three years ago. (Coincidentally my first husband died a few months previously. Oscar Wilde might have considered it carelessness to lose two in the same year!) So now I live alone, and of course I have also self-isolated.
But the greatest thing about living alone as a writer is that, in fact, you’re never alone! My head is permanently buzzing with the latest characters I’ve invented, who grow there and become a second family. And I am never, never bored! Planning and plotting may be hard work but it’s so absorbing and so enjoyable.
I have to discipline myself to take time off to cook meals, clean the house and try to control the garden.
LC: Do you have any pets?
JW:Not now, but we used to keep chickens. I loved them, such individual characters. I’ve actually written a short book (from the first person chicken viewpoint) but I don’t know what to do with it.
LC: You mention a garden. Are you a gardener?
JW: I have a very large garden and love it but it’s too much work for one. I was always the garden designer and my husband did most of the hard slog.
LC: What interests you enough in an idea, character or setting to write a book:
JW: I don’t think any of my books started with a setting. It’s usually a particular character or a situation. The discovery of my amazing great-great-uncle, ‘Una The Human Fly’, triggered my circus book, The Boy Who Could Fly.
The idea for Cabbage Boy came when tractor drivers deposited a new kind of manure, processed from human waste, on the large field behind my house. It started me thinking about DNA and the next day I had my two main characters, a mutant cabbage and the nervous OCD teenage boy who protects him.
The Girl In the Attic started with the idea of a desperately lonely ghost, murdered 75 years ago but still too scared to leave the attic in which she was captive, even while the house falls to pieces around her.
LC: How have you adapted or changed as “writing implements” have evolved (paper and pencil, typewriter, desktop, laptop):
JW: Ah! Scraps of paper, pencils and pens, later progressing to a typewriter, which speeded things up. I’d been trained to type at 80 wpm! I left school long before the advent of computers, but later, much later, I bought a desktop computer and taught myself how to use it. Later still, I bought my first laptop.
By then I was writing full length novels, and I decided from the start to self-publish, so I downloaded a free graphics programme and had a go at designing my own covers. Some steep learning curves, but satisfying.
LC: Do you have anything to say for writers who don’t get encouragement, or are actively discouraged:
JW:Writing is a solitary activity, even for those who have supportive family and friends. In the end, we all write alone. And writing—the structure of writing—is a craft, something we all have to learn. Even when we’re skilled, writing a best seller is pie in the sky for most of us. Some of my books have done well, others languish unnoticed (including some I’m particularly proud of).
Write because you love it, because it absorbs and fulfills you. If it gets noticed, that’s a bonus. When you type THE END, ask yourself what those non-supportive friends have done that has given them as much satisfaction?
Thank you, Ms. Wodhams. This has been a pleasure. I have downloaded There’s A Lion In My Bed, and look forward to reading it soon. Maybe one day we’ll see that chicken story!
The library is like a candy store where everything is free. ― Jamie Ford
When the San Francisco Public Library was recently padlocked as part of the city-wide shut-down, this disruption brought home the indiscriminate magnitude of the blight as it careens through society. The library — closed? I never imagined a time when there wouldn’t be a library, somewhere available. By pure luck, I went to the library before the shutdown.
I’ll be honest. I don’t go to the library nearly as often as I think about going to the library. At home, so many unread books are stacked up. It’s a short stroll to the local cafe, where paperbacks pile against the wall, free for borrowing or exchange, enticing my weak spot for serendipity and murder mysteries. That’s where I discovered two Nick Petrie books. Twenty-one blocks away is the library, a much longer hike. Nevertheless, once I get there, the same old thrill pops up: the library is better than free candy.
After hours spent online, I had not found what I was searching for. In fact, I found virtually nothing. There is a lot of information is online. Plenty of companies’ best interests lie in you believing that everything is online. And in these Virus Times, more is online than ever. But not everything; there is breadth online, but not depth.
I made my excursion ten days before they shut San Francisco down. Destination: the History Center. Real research was on the docket; I wanted more details and photos of “Sipp’s Creek” (as it is called in my book, Murkey’s, A Rabbit Noir). Locally, Sipp’s Creek is a patch known as Mission Bay.
The History Center itself is another locale in Murkey’s, A Rabbit Noir, where Marilyn the Librarian helps her friend Webbs, the intellectual spider, find answers to Murkey’s mystery. When she and Webbs get caught in the tunnels beneath the city, Marilyn manages to escape and bring back help. In a pinch, rely on a librarian.
After years of enjoying the District of Columbia Library in Washington, DC, I moved to San Francisco in 1995. Roommates had snagged a place to live (considered difficult then — in no way comparable to the difficulty today), but I had no job. Activities not directly linked to job hunting were deemed “having fun.” I held the (wrong-headed) idea that “having fun” would signal to the job gods that I was not serious in my job pursuit. At that time, my job search was in the field of commercial interior design.
Riding the bus down Divisadero Street, I spent my days at a copy shop. It sounds crazy now, but back then I didn’t own a computer. That took money. The nearest print/copy shop with public computers was at California and Fillmore. I wrote cover letters there. I printed up piles of resumes. I became familiar with the city, and with the offices I was applying at, by riding the bus around and hand-delivering my packets.
Peripherally, I was aware that the old Main Library was on its way out. I considered visiting, but that would have been “having fun.” Busy in my daily routine, I regret now that I never stopped by. Historic photographs show a grand old building; a visit to the Asian Art Museum, located in the building where the Main Library used to be, prove the building was a classic.
In contrast, the new library is an arty hodge-podge of stairways, misdirection and confusing circular floor plans. Signage is poor to non-existent. It’s worse than a trip to the downtown Macy’s Department Store. At least at Macy’s, each floor has a sign identifying your location.
The History Center is at the top, or sixth, floor. Previously, I took the elevator. The elevator goes to the sixth floor. This time, I took the public stair. Logically, I expected to exit on the sixth floor at the top of the stairs. Consequently, it did not occur to me to count each floor. Wrong! The stair ended, but what floor was I on? No signage. The main stair is in a completely different part of the floor than the elevator lobby. The circular nature of the building layout makes it impossible to relate where you are when you take the stair to where you were when you took that elevator last time.
I recognized the floor because I had spent time there on previous visits, making copies of sheet music. I didn’t remember what floor it was, but I knew one fact: it was not the floor with the History Center. How to get there? No indication.
Luckily, a music librarian was handy. They probably get this question on a regular basis. A friendly librarian told me we were on the fifth floor. The stair to the sixth floor? He pointed. Around the corner.
For inexplicable reasons, the route to the sixth floor incorporates two separate stairs. Picture a sixth floor, stuck on as an afterthought, with its own independent stair jammed over in a corner. In fact, I saw this adjunct stair as I exited the 1–5 stair. Of completely different design, it appeared to be private access to a staff area. No arrow, no sign advising, “This Way Be History” or, “Up to Sixth Floor.”
I took the stair. At the top, no clue as to which way to turn to reach the History Center. I turned the wrong way, my natural response to being lost. After a not quite complete circuit around the floor, through curious displays of artifacts, I chanced upon the History Center, tucked into a dark corner.
It is a small, unassuming room. There are five or six long rows of sturdy wooden tables and chairs, where patrons delve into their field of study. A mousy hobbit door is wedged in a corner behind the librarians’ counter. Through this door the librarians pop in and out, carrying forth documents from their sequestered trove. The imagination boggles when envisioning what all is stored behind their hobbit door.
To be assisted by thoughtful humans, whose eyes light up as they comprehend what you are looking for; to then be surrounded by the exact material you had spent empty hours not finding online — because these are documents found nowhere else —such are good times to be savored. And yes, it would have conserved time to walk to the library in the first place.
Now that the library is closed for the duration, I am relieved that I made it to the sixth floor before the lights flicked out and the locks clicked. It was another piece of luck that I took photos of everything that looked useful. Now I have plenty of the past to dig into as I study up on fun facts to use in my next book.
Despite the indefensible botheration of navigating the building, a trip to our library winds up being as satisfying as a trip to any better-planned public library. Settling deep into your curiosity, librarians nearby, loaded up with centuries of tools and knowledge, who can ask for anything more. There is one question that will persist indefinitely: when will libraries be able to open their doors again?
Many libraries have eBook lending programs. You can read your free eBooks on any number of free eReaders, available on line. Check out the links at the end of this article. It is all free.
Finding Pleasure in Books
Picture books, art books, how-to, science, adventure, biography, history, humor, and all those stories! What an array of fun and information. Now is a great time to explore all there is! Project Gutenberg has thousands of free digital book ready to download. Many libraries have eBook lending programs. You can read your free eBooks on any number of free eReaders, available on line. Check out the links at the end of this article. It is all free.
The photo above is of a proto-reader, me, in my all-time favorite
reading chair. I wasn’t reading, not
quite yet. I was warming the chair up, in anticipation of the splendid travels
I took during my youth, sitting in that chair, reading books.
As my older sister was learning to read, I felt some pressure
to do the same. I recall feeling not quite ready to make the effort. Yet one
evening, at the age of four, there I was, ‘reading aloud’ to my mother while
“Sandy ran down the street. He looked and looked. He wanted a
Mom was impressed. I turned the page and basked in her
“Sandy ran down the street. He looked and looked. He wanted a
Her hair tucked into a plastic shower cap, Mom peeped around
the white plastic shower curtain. I concentrated on the picture. What was the
“Sandy ran down the street. He looked and looked. He wanted a
She laughed. Caught—and holding the book upside down, too. I
knew I wasn’t reading; my act was over. While my older sister practiced real reading,
I memorized a portion of the plot. But not enough. How mortifying!
I was lucky. In our household, reading was part of the landscape. You might even say it was the landscape. From the earliest age, Mom and Dad read to us. We all loved stories. In the right mood, Dad made up stories about Eek and Ike, two mice who lived in our plumbing and had adventures.
These are some of the stories we
Ant and Bee; Every Jug Has Two Handles (a favorite of my brothers); Babar;
Winnie the Pooh; Pepper and Salt; Wind In the Willows; Curious George the
monkey; The Jungle Book; Pippi Longstocking; Heidi; and Bob, Son of Battle—an
engrossing tale of sheepdogs and their owners.
From the My Book House series, a multi-volume collection of
stories for kids, from youngest tots to the oldest, there was: King Arthur,
Robin Hood, Paul Bunyan, Pecos Bill, The Quick-Running Squash, Shingebiss, Jack
and the Beanstalk, Rumpelstiltskin, and Baba Yaga—an old woman who lived in a
house that walked around on chicken legs.
As I started reading to myself, I returned to the fairy
stories and the Baba Yaga stories most. A house on chicken legs? I loved it! Family
friends introduced the engrossing fairy story collection where each book is a
color: The Red Fairy Book, The Blue Fairy Book; there are twelve of them.
The Weekly Reader magazine
became a part of our curriculum in 5th grade. Several times a
year, books were offered for
sale. The excitement of pouring over pages of available books, studiously combing
through the plot descriptions. I marked every
book I would buy, if it were a perfect world. Then I would pare my wishes down to the books I HAD to
have, and convince Mom I would die if I couldn’t have this totally minimum
Then the open-ended weeks, waiting for the books to arrive. Some
kids showed no interest in books. This I couldn’t understand. A portion of the
class would buy a book or two. I was the one with the big pile. What joy! Eight
or ten books, stacked near my desk. The day-long wait for the luxury of holding
each one, taking my time deciding which one to read first. Balanced carefully
home on the school bus, they were my treasure. My brother and I agree, one of
the best was The Lion’s Paw, by Robb White.
At first, and for some years, I couldn’t imagine reading a
story without pictures. Pushing against my resistance, my older sister finally convinced
me that books without pictures were worth a try. She was right.
Upstairs and down, there were book shelves all over the house.
One day I discovered that the upstairs shelves with the paperback novels were
double-packed. Behind all the books I’d already read or didn’t care to read, a
whole new trove appeared: Georgette Heyer, Dorothy Sayers, Agatha Christie, C.S. Forester, and many more.
Since 1908, our town had a wonderful
library: The Gunn Memorial Library. In the 1960s it was still in its
original stone building with the over-sized red door. Across the street was the
old water trough for horses. Inside, illuminating the arched ceilings, were the
most opulent, spell-binding murals of Greek mythology. The books lodged in dark
wooden shelves and how I loved to browse through them.
Mrs. Hoadley, the librarian, could usually be found behind her
desk by the door. Now and then, she would make a suggestion, and off I would go,
devouring a new author; after all their books were read, I ‘shopped’ the
shelves again, looking for new stories to snare my imagination.
Today, it’s so easy to search online for books and authors, though I recommend the serendipity of discovering something unexpected while perusing a real bookshelf. On Librarything, readers and authors put up their personal libraries, so you can enjoy them virtually. Goodreads has tons of book suggestions and information from people who love to read, and from authors. These sites are free to join. If you really catch the bug, write your own book. I did!
Outside the Sailor’s Union of the Pacific, the time is
7:45am. I haven’t been up this early for months, not since I joined the ranks
of the unemployed. It’s a cool morning and the light breeze is humid. At
Harrison and 2nd, we are on Rincon Hill, four blocks from the San Francisco
Bay. Normally at this time I would be in bed, considering more sleep, a few
added minutes of respite before another day of sending out resumes.
A handful of men mill about. We are all waiting for the
union hall to open at 8:00 a.m. I wonder what has brought them here today. Are
they all looking for work, too?
I am the lone waiting female, 80% awake after my
twenty-minute bicycle ride from home. Desultory conversation floats by. I can’t
tell if any of these men knew each other before this morning or if this
camaraderie sprang up as they wait for the same thing.
Small snippets come to my ears:
“…got up at about 3:30, 3:45.”
“…pot of coffee.”
“I got that way drivin’ truck. Thirty years. Gotta
built-in alarm clock.”
The truck driver has driven down from Ukiah. For the day.
A trip of one hundred fifteen miles, one way. My twenty-minute bike ride
shrinks to insignificance.
An inspection of and discussion about the nearby parking
meters ensues. The meters are new and have a digital time readout rather than
the tried and true printed dial meters. The new meters aren’t working. Does
anyone know why? Do they have to get “turned on” to work?
They do. This is inconvenient and potentially expensive
for the person who needs to start early and cannot wait around for meters to
The truck driver says something like “How bad can a ticket
be?” to another guy who drove up and parked about the same time he did. They
have been examining the meters together. The other guy informs the trucker that
parking fines are $50 dollars. The truck driver is incredulous.
The other man chuckles and replies, “This is San Francisco,
They walk slowly to the loose group near the doors. There
are two personal-size Playmate coolers; two red backpacks. One cell phone is
extant. This is right before cell phones get big. Pagers are on the way out. As
a result of joining the union, I will get my first cell phone, sooner than I
expect. I will need be reachable for last minute deckhand jobs.
It nears 8:00 a.m. and the ‘stand and chat’ group edges
toward the center door of the many doors arrayed across the grand building
entry. A paper sign has been taped up: Use This Door.
I am a silent sitter on the cold stone steps that lead up
to the doors. A fellow sitter off to my right watches the group hover near the
door and mutters to himself, “…think it’s a rock concert, or somethin’.”
Some of these people are certainly here for the same reason I am — the 3–1/2 day class. To join the Inlandboatmen’s Union of the Pacific and work as a ferry or tugboat deckhand, you need to pass the class. To be in the class this morning, you would have visited the union hall in the past year or so and had your name and contact information written down on a page in a notebook. This is The List: interested potential deckhands.
I capitalize The List because of the way it is used. As
in, “You have to get on The List first.” Or, “Are you on The List yet?” The
List is step one in the process to work on boats. At the hall, they tell you
that the union will mail out letters to notify the next 100 names on The List a
month before the class. When? There is no set time for this. Letters are sent
out from zero times a year to three. When jobs become difficult to fill, The
List is opened. A very small percentage of the 100 ever show up at 8:00 a.m.
And here we are, on this April morning. Later I learn that
some waited eight and nine months or more. I know of one person who waited a
year and a half. And there are some who hardly wait at all. My wait was 6
months, much of it spent sending out resumes to companies advertising
commercial interior design and/or Auto Cad drafting jobs.
8:00 a.m. The doors are unlocked. We sitters follow the
standers inside. Those here for the class walk into a very large, double-height
almost empty room. This is the Sailors’ Union of the Pacific hiring hall, a
building completed in 1950. Our footsteps echo off the plaster walls and
terrazzo floor. We take seats at beat-up round tables grouped at the far end.
The end wall is filled with windows that have not been cleaned recently. They
provide an uninspiring view of a dusty parking lot and downtown. The hall is
lit by the grey light coming through these windows. In the near future, a
large, dark apartment building will block what view there is.
We are: nine white guys — aged from 20-something to
40-something; a 20-something Asian man; a 40-something Latino; a 40-something
African-American man; and one 40-something white female — me. We are joined
shortly by another white female, looking to be in her 30’s.
The class moves into gear about 8:30. There are 3
late-comers: one at 9:05, a middle-aged African-American man, snarled in
traffic. The second, a younger African-American man, arrives at about 9:10. He
slides quietly in, saying nothing, choosing to sit in the instructor’s chair.
He is informed of the fact and slides into a nearby chair. That one is also
taken, though at that moment it is also empty. The meter feeders are out at the
meters, which are now “on.”
I watch the silent comedy as he tries another
meter-feeder’s chair, and then finally chooses one which has not been claimed.
A white man pops in about 9:30, with a stage whisper to the instructor that he
called ahead to say he would be late.
The late-comers get the hand-outs and the class continues.
Class is stricter now. Late-comers are kicked out
immediately. For a job where your “office” sails off on schedule, lateness is
not tolerated. It will get you fired.
But on this Monday, we total fifteen students and three
instructors. Two of the people I had thought were students are actually
instructors. The older of the three runs things in a relaxed yet ship-shape
style. This is Chuck. He has done this more than once. I learn later that he
designed the class after more and more people without maritime experience began
to join the union.
Chuck’s best tip of the week: a good crew makes your day a
joy; an **shole on the crew makes the day a torture. Don’t be that **shole.
Some years later, when I bid on a crew where Chuck is the lead deckhand, I
learn that for me, Chuck makes a good crew mate. But not everybody would agree.
A crew is like a bunch of chemicals: sometimes the strife on a crew is
terrible. But a day on the water is always better than a day chained to a desk.
We begin with pages of vessel terminology. Throughout the
week, we will spend a lot of time on fire classification, fire safety, fire
prevention and fire extinguishment; learn to tie three basic knots; and
generally get introduced to the life of the sailor through stories and
Now and then, the other two instructors pipe up with
comments or get up to do their own scenes. The echoey hiring hall makes it a
challenge to hear. This union hall, at 450 Harrison, is home to several unions.
People in between deep-sea jobs come here to hang out with their friends and
wait for deep-sea jobs to be posted. They resent being asked to pipe down.
We watch the 10:15 job call. The “casual” IBU members,
those without steady jobs, come in to “bid” for the jobs called in by the
companies around the bay that hire union crews. A casual deckhand substitutes
for the regular crew member, who is out for one of various reasons. Sick, on
vacation or out on injury are the most common.
You start in the union as a D Card, an apprentice at the
bottom of the shipping list. Above you are the A, B and C shipping cards. The
hours you work build up into “deck time.”
With seven hundred and twenty hours of deck time, you join
the union as a full book member and get your C Card. As you build up your deck
time, you move up the shipping list. High shipping cards can work fairly steady
through the winter months when jobs are scarcer.
After lunch break, the class goes down to the docks. We
prowl around boats that are not in service. We study vessel layout, draw
locations of fire safety equipment and rescue gear. We work with the m.o.b.
(man overboard) equipment and practice tying up the lines. We go below to
explore the engine room: two engines — just one of them is as big as my first
car; two generators; steering gear; various valves, pumps, batteries and
We get further introduction to the sea life and hear more
sailor stories. I am entranced by all of it.
Deck-handing is not for everyone. On Tuesday our group is
11. People have begun to self-deselect. The class moves to the library, a
smaller room. It is much easier to hear. On Wednesday only 8 show.
Thursday, the last day, is the half day. We students are
now seven: two white females, and five males: one Asian, one African-American,
two whites and one Latino. We take the written test, prove we can tie our
knots. Everybody passes.
We join the line at the 9 am registration session. We pay
our first dues and get our D Cards. Each card is numbered. A date stamp shows
when dues were paid. We can now bid for jobs at the daily job call.
Spring is a good time to join the union. ‘The Season’ is
just starting. The Season runs roughly May through October. Ferry runs are
added to handle the summer tourists coming to the Bay Area, and boats are
chartered for summer parties.
After registration, there is one more class section. Labor
union history. Mostly this is a video. The people deeply involved with unions
speak of the importance of unions for working people. These rights are slowly
being eroded, but just remember: unions brought us the eight-hour work day,
two-day weekends, sick pay, holiday pay and more. (*see link below)
As I started this new life, I thought, if work is slow or
I don’t like it, I can always go back to drafting and design work. But I never
did. No fresh air, sitting all day at a computer, I couldn’t face it anymore.
Working outside, rain or shine, suits me fine.
And every day, the San Francisco Bay is beautiful. On a
day when my lead deckhand hates me and is making life miserable, I only have to
stand outside on the deck and look around. The petty humors of humans recede in
the sweep of time and beauty that is the bay.
That first year I made $13,000 and went through my
savings. Unless I am on a job, I go to the 1015 job call five days a week. In
the first six months, I work enough to get my C Card. Only a few members have
done it faster. I am inordinately proud of this. And my new cell phone? Always
on, waiting for last-minute calls to work.
On my very first job, my lead deckhand, who worked in a
bank previous to decking, told me something his uncle, also a deckhand, had
said: Sooner or later, all the crazies show up down at the wharf.
“Fabulous,” I thought, as I wiped off handrails and
benches wet with dew. “Finally, someplace to fit in.”
Humor in the midst of trouble. This comes to mind first when I sit down to schmanylize* what I mean by ‘Rabbit Noir’. Humor is the base. Noir is the tone.
In “Murkey’s, A Rabbit Noir,” the world surrounding Murkey’s
Diner is not bright and cheery. The weather is bad, the fog terrible. Everything
in the city is for sale to the new money pouring in. The lovely funk and depth
of the city’s history is being sold off, wiped out by this money flood. But the
Guys—Bunz and his intellectual spider pal Webbs, fight back. The story evokes
the feel of a city that, in spite of all the destruction, retains some funky
pockets of its past.
The day I came up with that tag Rabbit Noir, I laughed out
loud. My main character, ex-Pie Inspector Bunz, is a rabbit with a dry sense of
humor, and a serious love of pie. Murkey’s
is old-school. It has been around for decades and that is exactly why it is
still the best place in town for pie and coffee (and donuts!). The story
becomes noir when the two bad Guys, Moose M’Boy and Smilin’ Moose, threaten Murkey’s.
In the process of writing what became “Murkey’s, A Rabbit Noir,” the noir and
the humor came together. In a dark, dark world, humor keeps us going.
While noir is not usually matched with humor, there are
cases. If you haven’t watched these movies at least a few times, I can
recommend: The Big Sleep, To Have and Have Not, and a personal favorite,
v.: to come up with an on-the-spot theory about something without spending time
investigating or analyzing; to smoosh together at-hand facts; the devising of theories
before spending any time studying the numbers or doing actual research;
Note: sometimes no more facts are available
and ‘schmanylizing’ is the best you can do.