The situation arose organically. One day in April, a Rabbit came into my life. He was a Rabbit with attitude. Kind of growly, like Edward G. Robinson in Key Largo.
“How tall are you, Bunzini?”
“Taller than I look, Bubb!” (Bunz calls female people Bubb, and male people Bub.)
See what I mean? He is sarcastic and he is not shy. Guess whose opinion matters most? Soon he had taken over.
The first time Bunz had something to say to Bub and me, we were driving home from a disappointing lunch. We had taken Bunz, in his red travel bag, to try a new cafe. The place was in our neighborhood. It was very attractive and inviting. The food did not match up. We discussed the situation. Maybe we went on a little too long. A gruff voice from the red bag spoke.
“It was no good! We’re not going back.”
Bub and I looked at each other. This development, unexpected as it was, turned out to be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
“Bubb! Tell them about my pal Webbie.”
“That’s next, Bunz.”
About seven months after Bunzini arrived, it was late October. Webster, the Spider appeared. You can probably guess it was around Halloween. I was at the local super market. distracted by a large display of cute fuzzy black Spiders with orange noses when one of them jumped into my hand. I fell in love, there in the aisle, unaware of what the future would bring.
The Rabbit and Spider became best friends. We started calling them “the Guys”.
“Let’s take the Guys!” we would say, as we left to go to the movies.
Going out to eat? The Guys went too, in the red travel pack.
A trip to Hawaii: of course, the Guys were coming. This meant I had to get them ready. Bunzini loves clothes. He already had a couple of suits, but he informed me that he now needed vacation clothes: a Hawaiian shirt and beach shorts. for the Spider I found a straw hat. Then the Rabbit wanted a hat, and sunglasses. I couldn’t find any that fit him, not right off. (You don’t want a pissed off Rabbit on your trip. Luckily, I found them later.)
As you can see, these two Guys had become a component of my life. From the first two Guys, the whole thing just grew. The World of Guys: there is no easy definition. In the dictionary, the word ‘guy’ is defined. People use it every day. But that is the small “g” guy.
Big “G” Guys are a whole nother thing. The first Guy was Bunzini. B is Best, which he likes to point out. Most of our Guys are Rescue Guys—rescued from the street, washed, dried and mended, as required.
Of course, the Rabbit has nicknames: The Rabbit, B., Bunz, Bunzo—
“Bubb! Don’t call me Bunzo. I hate that!”
“Sorry, Bunz. I got a little carried away.”
“Check my contract, Bubb. ‘Bunzo?’ Not there.”
Ahhh, Bunzini’s contract. A contract to be envious of. It is written that Bunz always gets what he wants. And he’s always right. It’s in the contract. Of course, we haven’t seen this contract. It’s in the contract that he is not required to show it to anyone. Whenever there is something he doesn’t like, or doesn’t want to do, it’s in the contract. End of story.
“B-u-u-u-b-b!”
“Yes, Bunzini? I’m working on this essay here.”
“Bubb. Just tell them to read our stories. It’s all in there. We’re not stuffed animals. We’re Guys. We have lives.”
“Bunz?”
“What, Webbie?”
“I’m an arachnid, Bunz. That’s not an animal. But you and Bubb are animals.”
“Well, Webbie, how many Rabbits have Hawaiian shirts and three suits, including a tux, plus a baseball uniform?”
“I don’t know Bunz. I haven’t done the research.”
“Webbie!! How many Spiders wear straw hats and love reading books and love Marilyn Monroe and donuts and jazz?”
“I do, Bunz.”
“Because we’re Guys, Webbie. And not everyone can be a Guy.”
“We’re pretty lucky, Bunz.”
“Yup! It’s in my contract.”
Now, that’s a perk of having this Rabbit. Have any doubts? Just ask B. He’ll set you straight.
“And don’t forget Bubb: ‘B’ is for Best. ‘W’ is for Greatest!”
“I know that, Bunz.”
“That’s my line, Bubb!”